Friday, 11 December 2009

A letter

Today i wrote a letter to a person I don't know and can't possibly imagine. Despite not knowing him, I felt that I had a large responsibility for him. In fact, I felt like a was creating that person, moulding him while I wrote.

Today I wrote to someone that I will eventually grow to know intimately. I tried to imagine him. I want him to remember me. I want him to remember. I made lists, long lists...hoping that something will jump out an grab him...bring him back.

Today I wrote a letter to someone I will never meet. I wrote to someone who'll judge me. I felt juged. I apologised to him for things i've done, things i'm doing, things i'm going to do. I'm scared I won't be forgiven.

Today I wrote to someone and addressed him as 'you'. I gave him advice, I told him things I liked about him.
"you have a lot of people who care about you"
I told him what he cares about, what he wants to be doing, where he should be.

Today I told him that 'this is significant'. Today I wrote a letter to a person. Today I wrote a letter that wasn't very good. It was too bitty, full of lists, full of impossible commands, too aggressive. It left bits out. It couldn't say what it wanted to say.
I'm not adept at letter writing, anyway. I don't expect a response.

Today I wrote a letter that I think will be ignored. He wont care about the things that I do. He has his own concerns, his own friends, his own memories.
Or he wont want to remember. He'll want to forget.
Silly little letter.

Today I wasn't the only person to write a letter. We all did. We all sat in a circle an wrote letters. We all faltered, we stumbled, we all wrote a letter. We sealed it and addressed it. We imagined the recipients sitting in the same circle in ten years. We imagine them laughing at us. They'll discuss us, try to picture us. They'll get us wrong. They can, because we wont be there.

Today I wrote a letter. I wrote a letter to myself.
write a letter to yourself in ten years time. Seal it, address it to the future.
Address it to 'ten years time'. sign it, say goodbye, seal it.

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