Wednesday, 20 January 2010


Writing a letter to myself... but not myself. Who knows what I'll be like in 10 years time? I sure as hell don't. I don't even have a clue what I'll be doing in 3 years. I quite like that. Right now I feel like I will be exactly the same, because I don't really see what I would change. Maybe lose some weight. Maybe smoke less, work more and of course stay in touch with everyone. But I also know that's definitely not going to be the case. I'll know so many new people by then. I'll have lost contact with some of the people I see the most now. Essentially my entire world will be different. So of course I'll be different. I'll still be me, I'll just be dealing with those new circumstances. So I may be completely different, but be the same person.
Is that actually possible?
Well it has to be, otherwise there would be far too many people to deal with in life. Facebook would be ridiculous.
If I read a diary I kept when I was younger I find it completely mortifying. I utterly disgust myself. Which is why I don't read them. That's the difference between this letter and a diary, a diary is literally just being written for the sake of it, it's theraputic, it's arty, it's just good to vent. It's not written for anyone. Not even me later. This letter was for me later, but writing it I knew I'd probably find my 20 year old self somewhat heinous. Or maybe I've peaked. Maybe this is me. I feel like me. 14-year-old-diary-writing-me didn't feel so much like me. Maybe 30 year old Rachel will read that letter and be proud of 20 year old Rachel. Remember 20 year old Rachel. Maybe even like her!
Have to wait and see...

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