A soundtrack helps. Pretend you're in a film.
I went to Roath Park Lake. I walked around here as a kid with my parents. I remember:
- A photo of me in a green, black and purple all-in-one
- Feeding the geese
- Kissing Rachael on a park Bench: "Do you know that geese find a mate for life?"
- A steep side leading down to a play park
- A lighthouse
- Boat rides
- Cherie's Dog
- An intersecting bridge, looking over the lake on one side, and the play park on the other.
Prepare the soundtrack. Make the film momentous. Sigur Ros: Glósóli.
At the roundabout near the north-west most point of the park I see a small green dark path. I press play and head for it immediately (nearly getting run over in the process!) Create a narrative, follow the film.
Things seemed to happen in sync with the music. Feet walked to the drumbeat, birds flew away to the precise timing of a violin interlude. This was a good film.
So where to film my climactic moment? I headed towards the bridge that overlooked the play park, the river and the lighthouse. I decided I would roll a cigarette and sit on a bench there. A great place to ponder the project. to recall ghosts. To reconcile my younger self.
The song was ending. The cigarette was wonky. When I got to the gate, it was closed. I could just about see the bench, but I couldn't reach it. The epiphany moment wasn't to happen. Rather fitting, actually. So my souvenir is my unsmoked cigarette, which sums up nicely the failure in an attempt to connect with a memory of myself. Not so rosy...no slow fade.